Admitting is the First Step to Recovery, While Transparency is What gets Us Through

Via my current college experience I have gone through a plethora of things so far. My school work is on point and i am truly grateful for what God is allowing me to go through, but I must admit temptation is heavy, being in a foreign land and away from home I am suppose to be starting new and straying away from my past decisions, but since I've been here I feel my flesh slowly overwhelming my morals in a particular area. Yes I still go to church every Sunday and I listen to my Pandora everyday but there's still a vacant spot inside of me. Feeling lonely and thinking you need someone to sustain a sense of happiness is no good and in the eyes of others would be considered pathetic, but what do you do when its you? Lately I've been feeding into this feeling of being wanted and have been contacting everyone I've declared that i was over, which maybe true but at this point and time I am truly doing what ever I can to fulfill that feeling of acceptance. Just in these three weeks of being here I have encountered two males who's tried to get over on me, not anything sexual but just mind games but even through that; sometimes I still have an urge to talk to them just because I know that they will reply. But should i settle? Of course not, but not breaking is very hard especially when your support system is almost 900 miles away. Acting off of my emotions I have contacted two of my exes and even went as far as leaving a voice mail on one of my ex friends phone, and he didn't even reply. My feelings are hurt but I've put myself in this predicament, not having the will power to just tell myself no. But even through all of that I believe everything happens for a reason and this is something that I have to go through and overcome in order to be an example and speak through experience instead of inferring and using my analytical skills to manipulate people to believe those are really my experiences. In this state of being wanted: I keep putting myself out there and saying things I wouldn't normally in a secure relationship. For example "You're cute or Here's my number" just making myself available even though I know that that is not the light I want to be seen in. I haven't been completely outrageous speaking to every boy that i see but I've still done it. Realizing this is not who I am. I know that I can only learn through trial and error, adapting to changes and re-evaluating my morals; this is a stepping stone to a newer me and being comfortable with myself by myself. Flourishing in other areas, being wanted is truly "The Struggle of This Teenage Saint." God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.